a List

I'm afraid that my good friend Maiko doesn't necessarily take me seriously as an artist. I'm even more worried that she may be correct.

I'm afraid that deep down I don't really feel the need to continue making work.

I'm worried about not being able to imagine where I will be ten years from now.

I'm afraid of being pinned down as a Japanese artist although I feel a deep identity with my heritage that is spiritual, emotional, and therefore also artistic.

I'm afraid that my friends who are successful will abandon me. May be I feel a bit of joy to hear they still struggle.

I'm afraid that Daisuke thinks that the proposal I am writing for an exhibition with him is too immature.

I'm afraid of not being able to exhibit anything in 2009.

I'm afraid in general of taking the first step in any artwork I conceive of.

I'm afraid of my work being self-involved. Or at least, WAY TOO self-involved.

I'm afraid my friend Chris, an illustrator, will find success in Europe and will never come back to Toronto.

I'm afraid I will be in Toronto for the rest of my life.

I'm afraid of never being discovered.

I'm afraid of going broke and taking on debt and ruining my life with my partner, Amanda.

I'm worried that my art is always mediocre compared to the work I really love, like that of Yoko Ono.

I'm afraid of exposing my body in my artworks.

I'm worried that exposing my feelings is masturbatory.

I'm afraid that this list is masturbatory as opposed to meditative.

I'm afraid that the fact Amanda is not involved in a creative profession is detrimental in the long term to my development.

I'm afraid to sacrifice my relationship with Amanda for my work.

I'm afraid to sacrifice the house we bough together for my work.

I always worry about whether I have enough time to finish an artwork.

I'm generally suspicious that I secretly want my friends to be just talented enough to be interesting, but not enough to leave in my own mediocrity.

I'm generally afraid of networking, or even worse making friends.

I'm afraid that the moment I die I will regret not making more artwork.